Daily Dose of Awesome: SUBWAY

So as it turns out, the proper way to write "SUBWAY" is in all caps. It is fully capitalized across their website (including the copyright info in the footnote). So, no, this is not going to be a caps-heavy blog; I merely wanted to pay proper service to one of the best provides of daily awesomesauce my (and maybe your) life has to offer: SUBWAY, custom sandwich retailer.

SUBWAY is awesome. Why? I present the following three theses, each to be detailed below:

1) SUBWAY makes awesome sandwiches. Sandwiches are awesome. Therefore, SUBWAY is awesome.

2) SUBWAY is awesome because the very act of visiting SUBWAY for the awesome sandwich obtained at SUBWAY is itself, indeed, awesome.

3) SUBWAY is awesome because everyone thinks SUBWAY is awesome.


In greater detail:

I. SUBWAY sandwiches are awesome.

First of all, the sandwich: a shared name for one of the most perfect food conveyance systems in existence. Nearly all cultures have one: in Mexico, they're called "burritos," in East Asian regions, they're known as "sushi," and in America, they're called "hoagies." The sandwich, when configured properly, covers nearly all aspects of the food triangle: carbohydrates (tortillas, beans<---are these carbs or proteins or what?, rice, sliced bread), vegetables (tomato, lettuce, seaweed), protein (chicken/beef, raw fish, cold cuts), dairy (cheese, sometimes spread), and can even contain fruit. They're simple to prepare - often not needing any heating, others only minimal - convenient to carry, convenient to eat, delicious, and absolutely tailorable to the person's personal taste, hunger, and diet. They really are a perfect food.

Which is why it should come as no surprise that a customer-oriented enterprise of specialists devoted solely to perfecting this exact mix of deliciousness and nutrition would be such an awesome source of awesome in a person's life. They have over six (read: 6!) types of bread - from the basic White and healthy 9-Grain Wheat to the tangy and delicious Italian Herbs & Cheese and the always savory Parmesan Oregano - and have recently added Flatbread to the mix for those that are looking to carb-down. They have at least five cheeses (American, Provolone, Pepperjack, Monterey Cheddar, Mozzarella), a whole host of sauce (from basics such as mayo to house specialties such as Southwest Chipotle and their Sweet Onion mix), the ability to order bacon -and- chicken on the same sandwich, and a vegetable selection that actually lets you choose the type of onions and whether you prefer spinach, lettuce, or nothing at all. They toast it, heat it, cut it, season it, do whatever it takes to satisfy your desires. They will even heat only the meat portions of the sandwich for those that like the bread cold but the meat hot, a la' hamburger. Oh yeah, and they have the Meatball Sub - a classic if there ever was one.

So all this and it's healthy too. You can dig that up yourself - and I maintain that Jared is one of the least annoying pitchmen ever put forward by a company, bravo - but it's not bad stuff for you. As covered above, sandwiches are awesome. This company is awesome at making them. And when you are noteworthy for being awesome at producing a customized version of a product already widely established as awesome, then you, my friend, are awesome yourself.


II. SUBWAY visits are awesome.

This is the best part I think. Visiting a SUBWAY is a bonding experience. This is where a high DAPSQ ("Daily Awesomeness Perception Sensitivity Quotient") is key. Directing the Sandwich Artists behind the counter is literally a throwback to the good-ol' days of chatting up the pretty gal behind the truck stop (for all you guys) or catching up on the latest chirps and chatters (for all you gals). Sharing a footlong sub with someone, splitting it across the 6" line, is a bonding experience - not to mention an excellent way to learn what a potential new beau likes and dislikes in the way of condiments. Standing in line, chatting about your sub - everyone is on common ground, united in love of the SUBWAY sandwich. With you deciding your optimum sandwich; the Sandwich Artists doing their best to make it just right, just perfect; and you knowing all the while that the end result will not only be spectacular for you but that everyone in line is in store for the same treat - the atmosphere is entirely positive. Quite the pick-me-up, SUBWAY.

Now here's my favorite part. The buildup. Some only look to the getting, some say wanting is better than having; I personally am a man for the moment - I like it all, and it is the cycle that gives the whole thing its warmth and reward. Looking at that sub, directing its movements, contemplating the exact series of ingredients as you stand in the line, watching your dream become a reality as the perfect sub is formed from its elements by the skilled hands of the artisans of SUBWAY, Inc. - it is a beautiful moment, like a crescendo in a song you've heard before, like the last 10 minutes of waiting in your room before your parents let you come see the tree on Christmas morning. Going to SUBWAY is an experience in and of itself, and the sandwich but tastes all the better for it. Some restaurants, you go in with hunger and come out with a pleased palette. SUBWAY, you go in as an individual in need and come out ready to embrace the world ahead.


III. Society postulates that SUBWAY is awesome.

I've never met someone that didn't like SUBWAY. It's just too general. Everyone is simply guaranteed to be able to find at least one thing that they like at SUBWAY. In math, this lack of an exception allows us to make it a equation: the SUBWAY domain of the restaurant family of functions returns awesome. Every time. Everyone at least likes something from SUBWAY. I know it's awesome, you know it's awesome - really, then, how could it be anything but?

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that just because society favors something, then that is by definition a good thing. Far from it. But a restaurant fills both needs and wants, and I've clearly demonstrated that SUBWAY strongly fulfills both. So, in the complete, accepted absence of a counterexample, SUBWAY can safely be assumed to be awesome for the purpose of this article. Anyone disagree? I rest my case.

Before closing, I'd like to share a conversation I had - at a SUBWAY, as a matter of fact - in which a man ordered what I thought to be a rather peculiar sub. It was white bread, lettuce, tuna, and a -whole- lot of Sweet Onion sauce. As in, the bread was saturated at least 2/3 of the way through. I thought odd, the SUBWAY sandwich artist was supportive, and the gentleman seemed enthralled.

I asked him, and he assured me it was delicious. However, I was not so much curious as to how such a sandwich would be good (stranger things have happened), but rather how the individual settled upon this particular medley of flavors in the first place.

I asked.

"I still remember the day..." This person then recounted a series of encounters that led to him eating consecutive SUBWAY sandwiches at lunch for a period of a couple of days. As he approximately related (the specifics of the conversation escape me at the moment, sadly), "One day I had a tuna sub. The next day I had a Sweet One sub, like chicken or something--

...and then I thought: there's a better way."

Having relived the moment, then man then looked back down, smiled (back) at the sandwich architect behind the counter, happily slid his payment card through the designated slot (getting it right-way-up on the first try, might I add), nodded in joyful completion, and left holding his sub as though it contained an heirloom piece of glassware.

SUBWAY is awesome.